Pirkko Tavaila is a member of The Reporters Inc.’s Advisory Committee. To learn more about her, click here

If It Happens to Your Child

How Positive Energy Can Solve Bullying


May 2013

There haven’t been very many newspaper front pages that have managed to catch my attention. The reason for that: in Finland the front page is traditionally reserved for advertisements. Go figure. But breaking that rule a couple weeks ago, the morning publication Aamulehti grabbed my full focus with its unusual appearance. Greeting my sleepy eyes was an enormous headline. Under it, just a few sentences cobbled together by an eight-year-old boy. It stung straight into the depths of my mother nerve.

The child, Santeri (not his real name), was trying to express the hurt and fear caused by being constantly bullied at school — both mentally and physically. Santeri’s biggest wish was to have friends and not be left alone.

We all know that Santeri’s pain is just drop in the ocean. Bullying is a global disease, and as Mother Theresa put it: The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted.

Santeri’s letter brought me back to my own painful experiences with the subject. Our daughter was bullied in elementary school as well, and there was so little we felt we could do about it at the time. I can still recall the overwhelming need to protect, not to mention all the feelings of anger and frustration.

There was no light to be seen at the time, and depression was taking over our once so-lively child. Trying to make it better for her, we went through all the obvious steps — that unfortunately didn’t work:

• Our daughter was taken out of her class and changed into another one in the same school, which soon generated new bullies in the new class. Old friends turned their backs.

• We called the teachers for assistance, which wasn’t beneficial either. They said everything looked fine on the surface.

• Organized meetings with the school psychologist, and the bullies, didn’t help either.

• We even hired an outside therapist, also to no avail.

Ultimately, my tiger mother instincts ended up being no good. After wising up, I made a promise to myself to stop fighting against what I felt was wrong. The decision came from the realization that “fighting against” meant giving all my attention, focus and energy to something that I was trying desperately to get rid of.

The universe simply doesn’t work that way – we get what we focus on, period. Instead, I decided to start directing my efforts and energy towards fighting for the good. So I set out on a quest to help my child find her joy and dreams again.

At first it was difficult, not knowing where to turn. But one day I ran into an energy healer (yes, I rolled my eyes too). Back then I didn’t have a clue what energy healing meant but I’m glad we didn’t let that stop us. Marianna, the healer, turned the whole scenario around. She started the process of rebuilding our daughter’s self worth. Much like the so-called animal whisperers, she taught our daughter about weak and strong energy and how that affects other people. We (both my daughter and her parents) needed to let go of the victim energy.

With Marianna’s healing method (hands-on but not much touching) she helped our daughter remain centered and grounded in difficult situations so that her energy would flow more freely. By sending out balanced, calm and assertive energy she wouldn’t attract the bullies. Guess what, it worked!

Within months, our daughter was blooming again. She found her passion in music theatre. A couple years later, in junior high school, both her peers and teachers elected her “teenager of the year.”

It was around that time that I too decided to focus my life, and my career, around positive energy. I found my own angle to healing work. I took on a new profession and become a Holistic Health Coach.

Now, you may not agree with alternative healing methods, such as energy healing, and that is perfectly ok. There are many simple, everyday things that you can do to make sure that your child will radiate strong, anti-bullying energy. Here are some of the steps that I advise my clients to take, and what you can try as well:

• Start immediately boosting your child’s energy level with nutritious food. That means adding to his/her diet simple whole foods like vegetables, whole grains, berries, fruits, seeds, nuts and so on.

• Make sure that the child gets fresh air every day, preferably where there are trees around for more oxygen.

• Ensure at least eight hours of peaceful sleep every night. That may mean rubbing their feet until they fall asleep or just sitting by the bed until the sleep takes over.

• Spend time really listening to what the child has to say. They only share when they feel the need, and I would do my best to catch that moment. Work can wait.

• As often as possible, exclude your child from the drama and violence served by TV, video games, computer etc. Negative energy simply has to be switched off in order for us to flourish.

• Keep assuring your child that we are all perfect exactly the way we are, no exceptions.

• Encourage your child to listen to his/her gut instinct, and to shine his/her unique light. What other people say or think is not our problem

With the knowledge and experience that I have today, I help people who have children who are being bullied by encouraging them not to waste one moment blaming anybody. Bullies act out of their own insecurities and fear. The key is to have enough self-esteem so that there will be no need to react. Without reaction there is less chance for bullying. The bottom line is strong energy, and that’s available from many different faucets.

And this goes for adults too. Absolutely nobody else is allowed to limit us or define us. We set our own limitations. To mention just one inspiring example: I had a young woman as a client who came to me to make peace with the fact (according to her doctors) that she could never have a child. Luckily, that woman was brave enough to believe that with a change in mindset, some lifestyle changes, including healing foods, and a focus on positive energy, her body might possibly heal itself. A miracle baby girl was born this past January.

And I pray that she will never be bullied in her life.

Pirkko Tavaila can be reached at pirkko@eatbenow.com.

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